Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
