I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
