i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize