I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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