i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize