just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
