I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
