Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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