its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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