A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
