dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
