operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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