Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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