On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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