party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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