gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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