Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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