I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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