Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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