I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
