There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
