We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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