it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
