did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
