If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize