I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
