I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I am in a vortex of obligation.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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