So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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