Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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