there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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