look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
