No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
