been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sext me about skeletons
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
