Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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