ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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