i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
