youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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