your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
