you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize