is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
