you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
