Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
