I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
