Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize