I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
