My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm getting married
To pizza
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
