his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
