saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
