I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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