Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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