When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
