Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
