...so i touched it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
