Jerry, you need to find god
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
