im having a threesome with these popsicles
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
