is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize