Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize