You smell like a Billy Joel song
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize