I didn't shave. On purpose
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
