the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
