please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
