I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
