I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
