Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
